How to Lead Without Losing Yourself
You’re smart, experienced, and good at your job.
You’ve worked hard to reach a leadership position – balancing family responsibilities along the way.
Your colleagues and your team like and trust you – they open up to you.
And yet, despite all this, you often feel emotionally flattened, quietly questioning whether you’re really cut out for leadership life.
I see too many female leaders facing burnout. Not from long hours or the extra family load they often carry, but from feeling they need to perform better, push harder, and achieve more to prove their worth – especially when working in male-dominated cultures.
Why Female Leadership Often Feels Heavier Than It Should
Women often lead differently. Not better or worse – just differently.
Directional leadership is more traditionally associated with men. It tends to focus on assertiveness, control, goal setting, and driving performance. It’s about charting a course and ensuring others follow it.
Communal leadership is more associated with women. It emphasises collaboration, empathy, inclusivity, and relationship-building. It’s about creating connection and shared ownership of success.
Neither style is better. They are complementary, and the most effective leaders and cultures integrate both, combining direction with empathy, authority with approachability, and creating a balanced, human-centred style of leadership that today’s workplaces and people need most.
Sadly, this is not widely understood or applied.
Empathy is seen as “too soft.”
Collaboration becomes “too slow.”
Pausing to think more deeply is misread as “not confident enough.”
When your leadership style is repeatedly misunderstood, it starts to chip away at your confidence. You begin to hold back, speak up less, and give way to others more – and women are much more likely to retreat than men.
Burnout thrives under these conditions.
It isn’t “just stress.”
It’s a prolonged misalignment of values – the gap between who you really are, what’s expected of you, and how far you’re willing to bend to fit in.
When Confidence Dips
When clients say, “I’ve lost my confidence,” what’s often underneath it is:
“I’m not getting the validation, feedback, or reassurance I need to know I’m doing a good job.”
Over time, that absence of reinforcement weakens your belief in yourself.
5 Ways to Lead Without Losing Yourself
- Be clear on your leadership style
Name it. Own it. Respect it. When you’re clear on what you stand for and why, others are more likely to see you, hear you, and respect you for it.
- Stop shape-shifting
You don’t have to lead like a man. Appreciate your gifts as a female leader. Use your voice. Know your values. Others may not always agree with you, but they’ll respect your clarity and authenticity. - Name what’s not working
If something or someone feels heavy, unfair, or draining – deal with it rather than ruminate or internalise it. Journal to process it. Talk it through with a trusted colleague or your coach. Addressing it stops it eroding your confidence. - Redraw your boundaries
Burnout thrives where boundaries are blurred. Create clarity for yourself and others before frustration builds. Pause before saying yes. Respond rather than react. - Find your tribe
Surround yourself with like-minded colleagues, peer groups, or networks – anywhere you can be yourself: seen, heard, but not judged. The right people around you help you learn and grow without losing yourself.
These are real challenges, and they deserve the time space for you to reflect.
If you want to talk it through, get in touch.
